He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
