I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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