So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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