First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Alive.
So much puke
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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