Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
