My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
