We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
