I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
