there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
