Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
