my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
