It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you would pick up someone in the library
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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