Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
