Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
