your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
