By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
