Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
