this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
