3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
