Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
