Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
