The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
