So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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