I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
