Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
