brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
