At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
