He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
