why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
