I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
