i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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