Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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