Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
