I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
