what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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