He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
