do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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