Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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