Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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