Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
