I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
