There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
