you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
