and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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