Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
