Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
