Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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