I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
