i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
