I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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