UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
