Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
