proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
